Been a while, eh. Sorry about that.
I suppose I should have an elaborate excuse lined up, but the truth is that my motivation was non-existent.
On the plus side, I’ve done a LOT of knitting. Since the last post, I finished my baby blanket of joy, and delivered it safely to my beautiful niece, who is now approaching three months old (doesn’t time fly?!). I’ve also completed some fingerless gloves (Vancouver Fog), a Milanese Lace hat and half a pair of socks from the Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon sock club. Granted, I’m a bit behind on that one, but I did get my yarn late…
I’ve also got a few WIPs that are actually getting worked on for a change – but more on those another day I think!
The main reason for my prolonged absence has been my stupidly sporadic depression. Now, a lot of people have problems talking about mental health, but I should say now that I’m not one of them. When I’m bad, I can feel so empty that my entire body goes into a strange kind of numbness and my brain shuts down almost completely. I can still function, maintain routine things (get up-shower-dressed-work-stare at screen-home-dinner-bed) and, for the most part, make it look to all intents and purposes like nothing is wrong. But just doing that takes up all my energy and I just…crash.
And I’ve been bad, I guess. It never lasts any significant amount of time, but it is exhausting and overwhelming. So I’ve slacked at basically everything.
But over the years, I’ve come to realise that my ability to be open and honest about my mental health problems, and more specifically my self harming, can be really beneficial to other people. I’ve been working with an amazing charity, YouthNet, for several years, but over the past 18 months or so, I’ve really stepped up my game and become really involved.
Just over a week ago I was featured in an article about peer pressure in a national newspaper, talking about my self-harm. On the same day as that printed, I was on a national radio station, contributing to a self-harm special of the regular Sunday night show, The Surgery. A week or so before that, I was recorded by the YouthNet team, talking about mental health in relation to employment, and on Saturday I saw the finished product. I’m really, really pleased with how it’s all come out, and I really hope I can go on to do more and more media stuff, because even if I help one person then it’s worth it.
It has meant, though, that I’ve been going from high to low in fairly rapid succession – a lot of things all happening in such a short space of time has had a pretty significant effect on my brain function, and over the past week or so I’ve been on a big ol’ come down. I’m really looking forward to Easter weekend. I have the house to myself for four days – no having to deal with my little sister! – and that means I can catch up on a lot of lost sleep, and a lot of knitting. Oh, and the chocolate. Mustn’t forget the chocolate…